So, shit got real.
I went for my MRI results. What I found out is that I have a very large "mass" in my parotid gland, and several smaller masses around it.
He's calling them masses because he doesn't want to call it them tumors yet. The doctor took several biopsies, and I'll be seeing him in a few days to find out results.
Best case is they're benign, but my salivary glands and a lymph node will probably need to come out.
Worst case is some kind of cancer, and I have a fight on my hands.
Fortunately, I also have a lot of reasons to win that fight, and a lot of friends in my corner.